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Stop Pollinating Yourselves

flower-game-screenshot-2

Attention game journalists:

Can we stop overselling Flower please? Yes, it’s a lovely little game. Yes, it does a lot of interesting things with control. Yes, it has wonderful atmosphere and a nice message. But how about we let players discover these things for themselves? Do we really need to engage in a Most Embarrassing Hyperbole contest every time we talk about the game?

Here, I’ll help. Here’s a handy list for anyone planning to review, blog about, or otherwise cover the game:

Things Flower Does Not Do

  • Redefines gaming forever
  • Cures cancer
  • Justifies, on its own, the purchase of a PlayStation 3
  • Reverses global warming
  • Personally fellates the player
  • Magically turns your significant other into a gamer
  • Rescues us from the post-holiday lull
  • Saves the whales
  • Feeds the hungry
  • Allows you to stop considering other games for Game of the Year
  • Sticks it to The Man
  • Helps you clean your apartment, you filthy troll
  • Brings about peace in the Middle East
  • Takes the place of real flowers for your loved one
  • Makes you any smarter, hipper, or more attractive
  • Loves you

Things Flower Does

  • Kills a couple hours in a soothing, and yet thought-provoking, fashion
  • Surprises the player…if you people will let it

Thank you for your attention.


Comments

1

1: angeline on February 17, 2009 at 4:18 pm


it won’t love me. :(


2

2: Kim on February 18, 2009 at 9:03 am


The picture you posted is gorgeous.


3

3: Adam Coronado on February 20, 2009 at 1:41 pm


I would agree with you, Joe, because I bought it and thought, “This is nice, but not mind-blowing.” It’s innovative in presentation and concept, but Shadow of the Colossus it ain’t.